Kids Jokes

Jokes for kids: Maths
Enjoy numbers a little more when the kids are reading these giggle-inducing problems to solve. One plus one equals two is all you need to get a laugh from these maths jokes for kids.
Number of players:
2+
Activity:
Q. Why was the maths book sad?
A. Because it had too many problems.

Q. What’s the king of the pencil case?
A. The ruler.

Q. What US state has the most maths teachers?
A. Mathachussets.

Q. Heard about the mathematical plant?
A. It has square roots.

Q. Which tables do you not have to learn?
A. Dinner tables.

Q. What tool do you use in maths?
A. Multi-plyers.

Q. Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A. Because 7 8 9!

Q. What do you get if you cross a maths teacher and a clock?
A. Arithma-ticks!

Q. What is 67 + 35 + 99 + 136 + 84?
A. A headache.

Q.How do you make one vanish?
A. Add a ‘g’ to the beginning and it’s gone!

Jokes for kids: Fruit
Peel away the layers of laughter with these very ‘ap-peel-ing’ fruit jokes for kids. Every child will look at their fruit in a different way after sharing these jokes for kids around with their friends.
Number of players:
2+
Activity:
Q. How do you make a strawberry shake?
A. Put it in the freezer.

Q. What is a vampire’s favourite fruit?
A. A neck-tarine!

Q. How do you fix a broken tomato?
A. Tomato paste!

Q. What school subject is the fruitiest?
A. History – because it is full of dates!

Q. What fruit teases you a lot?
A. A Ba na..na..na..na..na!

Q. What kind of apple has a short temper?
A. A crab apple.

Q. What happens to grapes when you step on them?
A. They wine!

Q. How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?
A. With a pumpkin patch!

Q. Why did the banana go to the doctor?
A. Because it wasn’t peeling well.

Q. Why was the tomato blushing?
A. Because it saw the salad dressing.

Jokes for kids: Elephants
Ever have trouble remembering jokes? Pity you haven’t got the memory of an elephant, they don’t mind poking fun at themselves. Here’s 10 great jokes I’m sure they’ve got in their memory bank!
Number of players:
2+
Activity:
Q. How do you know if there’s an elephant in your fridge?
A. There are footprints in the butter.

Q. Why doesn’t the elephant use a computer?
A. Because it is afraid of the mouse!

Q. What time is it when an elephant sits on the fence?
A. Time to fix the fence!

Q. What’s grey and goes round and round?
A. An elephant in a washing machine!

Q. What’s big and grey and has 16 wheels?
A. An elephant on roller skates!

Q. Why do elephants need trunks?
A. Because they don’t have glove compartments!

Q. How does an elephant put his trunk in a crocodile’s mouth?
A. VERY carefully!

Q. What did the banana say to the elephant?
A. Nothing. Bananas can’t talk silly!

Q. What do elephants do in the evenings?
A. Watch elevision!

Q. What’s grey with red spots?
A. An elephant with the measles!

Jokes for kids: Dogs
Dog-gone are the days of little laughter in the house when the kids get wind of these great kids’ dog jokes. From mutt ado about nothing to poochy perfection, we have it covered with these 10 top jokes for kids!
Number of players:
2+
Activity:
Q. What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?
A. He stole the show!

Q. Why was the dog sweating so much?
A. He was a hotdog!

Q. What kind of dog likes baths?
A. A Shampoodle

Q. What dog keeps the best time?
A. A watch dog!

Q. What did one flea say to the other?
A. Should we walk or take a dog?

Q. What do you get if you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle and a rooster?
A. Cockerpoodledoo!

Q. Why do dogs run in circles?
A. Because it’s hard to run in squares!

Q. What do you get if you cross a Beatle and an Australian dog?
A. Dingo Starr!

Q. What do you call a great dog detective?
A. Sherlock Bones!

Q. Why don’t dogs make good dancers?
A. Because they have two left feet!

Jokes for kids: Doctor, Doctor
Some ‘Doctor, Doctor’ jokes might make you a little feverish but these kids jokes will have a laughter-inducing effect. So cure that fever and print off these medicinal miracles for your kids!
Number of players:
2+
Activity:
Doctor, Doctor, I swallowed a bone.
Are you choking?
No, I really did!

Doctor, Doctor, I’ve got wind! Can you give me something?
Yes – here’s a kite!

Doctor, Doctor, everyone keeps throwing me in the garbage.
Don’t talk rubbish!

Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.
I’ll deal with you later.

Doctor, Doctor, will this ointment clear up my spots?
I never make rash promises!

Doctor, Doctor, I keep seeing an insect spinning around.
Don’t worry, it’s just a bug that’s going around!

Doctor, Doctor, everyone thinks I’m a liar.
I can’t believe that!

Doctor, Doctor, how can I cure my sleep walking?
Sprinkle tin-tacks on your bedroom floor!

Doctor, Doctor, my baby’s swallowed a bullet.
Well, don’t point him at anyone until I get there!
Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I’m a vampire.
Necks, please!

Jokes for kids: Christmas
Bring some laughter to the table this year. These hilarious Christmas jokes will knock the Christmas stockings right off your feet! You’ll be sure to have a sack full of giggles.

Number of players:
2+
Activity:
Q. What did the cow say on Christmas morning?
A. Mooooey Christmas!

Q. What never eats at Christmas time?
A. The turkey – it’s usually STUFFED!

Q. Why couldn’t the Christmas tree stand up?
A. A Christmas tree does not have legs like we do!

Q. What is the most special part of your body at Christmas?
A. MistleTOE!

Q. What goes “oh, oh, oh”?
A. Santa walking backwards!

Q. What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
A. Jungle bells, jungle bells!

Q. What does a cat on the beach have in common with Christmas?
A. Sandy claws!

Q. What is green, white, and red all over?
A. A sunburnt elf!

Q. What rains at the north pole?
A. Reindeer!

Q. Which of Santas reindeer has bad manners?
A. Rude-olph!

Jokes for kids: Cats
Cats are the target of many great children’s jokes and these cat jokes for kids are no exception. Print these out for the kids and all of their friends can share in the laughter cats bring into the world!
Number of players:
2+
Activity:
Q. What do cats read in the morning?
A. Mewspapers!

Q. There were four cats in a boat, one jumped out. How many were left?
A. None. They were all copy cats!

Q. What is a cat’s favourite color?
A. Purrr-ple

Q. What game did the cat like to play with the mouse?
A. Catch!

Q. Where did the school kittens go for their field trip?
A. To the mewseum.

Q. What kind of cats like to go bowling?
A. Alley cats!

Q. Why do cats make terrible story tellers?
A. They only have one tail.

Q. What do cats eat for breakfast?
A. Mice Crispies.

Q. Why did the cat run away from the tree?
A. Because it was afraid of the bark!

Q. Why is it so hard for a leopard to hide?
A. Because he’s always spotted.

Fool jokes
Try and fool the kids with these great jokes all about fools. The kids will love passing these onto their mates at school or even their teachers and for a moment, just a moment, they might get one up on you!
Number of players:
2+
Activity:
Q. Why did the fool climb the glass wall?
A. To see what was on the other side.

Q. How many fools does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Three. One to hold the globe and two to turn the chair.

Q. How did the fool break his arm raking leaves?
A. He fell out of the tree.

Q. What happened to the foolish tap dancer?
A. She fell in the sink.

Q. How do you sink a submarine full of fools?
A. Knock on the door.

Q. How do you get a one armed fool out of a tree?
A. Wave to him.

Q. How do you keep a fool in suspense?
A. I’ll tell you tomorrow.

Q. How do you make a fool laugh on a Sunday?
A. Tell him a joke on Saturday.

Q. How do you know when a fool has been using the computer?
A. There is white out on the screen.

Q. Three fools were driving to Disneyland when one saw a sign that said “Disneyland left”. What did they do?
A. They went home.

10 Maths riddles for kids
Some kids find maths a little dull – but it doesn’t have to be! Here’s a great way to make maths fun for kids. Let these brain teasers get their minds moving. Who knew numbers could be so much fun!
Number of players:
2+
Activity:
Q. If two’s company and three’s a crowd, what are four and five?
A. 9
Q. If there are four apples and you take away three, how many do you have?
A. You took three apples so obviously you have three.
Q. Where do fish keep their money?
A. In the river bank.
Q. Two fathers and two sons go fishing. Each of them catches one fish. So why do they bring home only three fish?
A. Because the fishing group comprises a grandfather, his son, and his son’s son – hence just three people.
Q. I add five to nine, and get two. The answer is correct, but how?
A. When it is 9am, add 5 hours to it and you will get 2pm.
Q. The ages of a father and son add up to 66. The father’s age is the son’s age reversed. How old could they be?
A. There are three possible solutions for this: the father-son duo could be 51 and 15 years old, 42 and 24 years old or 60 and 06 years old.
Q. What weighs more – a pound of iron or a pound of feathers?
A. Both would weigh the same – come on, a pound remains a pound, irrespective of the object!
Q. If a rooster laid 13 eggs and the farmer took eight of them and then another rooster laid 12 eggs and four of them were rotten, how many of the eggs were left?
A. Roosters don’t lay eggs!
Q. I am an odd number; take away an alphabet and I become even. What number am I?
A. Seven (SEVEN-S=EVEN)
Q. Using only addition, how can you add eight 8’s to get the number 1,000?
A. 888 +88 +8 +8 +8 =1,000

10 Easy riddles for kids
Riddles and jokes – kids love them! Get the kids giggling with these great riddles. They’ll love to test them out on their friends and family. They’re sure to get a fair few laughs – and groans! – at the next family get together.
Number of players:
2+
Activity:
Q. What has a face and two hands but no arms or legs?
A. A clock!

Q. What is the easiest way to double your money?
A. Put it in front of the mirror of course!

Q. What has a thumb and four fingers but is not alive?
A. A glove.

Q. What has to be broken before you can use it?
A. An egg.

Q. What has a neck but no head?
A. A bottle.

Q. What gets wetter as it dries?
A. A towel.

Q. What goes up and doesn’t come back down?
A. Your age.

Q. What belongs to you but is used more by others?
A. Your name.

Q. Everyone has it and no one can lose it, what is it?
A. A shadow.

Q. It’s been around for millions of years, but it’s no more than a month old. What is it?
A. The moon.